My Flirt With Danger
by EbonyOsmosis
Summary: Update: Surprise epilogue added! JD has an important question for Doctor Cox.
1. When One Is Curious

**My Flirt with Danger**

A/N: Well well well. This is my 13th Scrubs fic, first one actually posted. Whenever I get into a fandom I write a lot before actually posting anything, so hopefully I've gotten good enough at writing JD and Cox by now. Hope you enjoy.

- - - -

JD stared placidly at the chart he wasn't really reading, a dreamy smile on his face as images and ideas flowed freely through his head. To his left, the doctor's lounge TV happily spouted confessions of betrayal and secret sibling relationships. Of course, Doctor Cox was watching his soaps, and although he wasn't listening, JD knew there was currently some dilemma about Cathy actually being Ted's sister, which created a whole slew of icky problems, but he didn't really care for soaps.

Finally, he spoke. During a commercial of course.

"Would you be sad if I got bit in the face by a black mamba and died?" he asked casually, watching with a grin as that head of ginger curls turned in his direction in a comical double take.

"_What?_" Perry asked incredulously, the look on his face reading half baffled and half annoyed.

"Black mamba. Face. Bite. Died. Me," JD prattled on, earning a growl from the older doctor.

"I heard what you said Gina. For god's sake why though, dare I ask?" Perry demanded.

"I was watching the Kill Bill movies last night 'cause I was sad that David Carradine died," the brunette admitted thoughtfully. "I still don't think he hung himself..."

A sharp whistle broke his straying thought process, making him jump. "Newbie. Don't care. Now again, why with the snake bite nonsense?"

JD shrugged, still grinning. "I dunno. I was just thinking of what it would be like to be in those movies, and then I thought of poor Bud being bitten in the face by the black mamba and got to thinking how much that must hurt and would you miss me?" he asked innocently, doe eyes pleading with his mentor. To his credit, the older doctor resisted the urge to merely throw something at the kid and be done with it, but just as he was about to tell Newbie how much he would _nawt _miss him, but would in fact dance on his grave, his soap came back on.

"Up bup bup," Perry ordered, even though JD hadn't said anything. With one last menacing finger point at the younger doctor, he turned around and put his attention back on Cathy and Ted after having severely misplaced it.

JD pouted in a put off manner, but stayed in the chair until his mentor's show had gone back to commercial. He could wait until Sandra was done trying to convince her friend that Jerry was the best thing since sliced bread. He had another ten minutes left of his break, and that would be just enough to get through this next segment. Besides, he really wanted to see how Dr. Cox would react, he thought with a grin. It would probably be funny, even if he did get ranted at.

As he waited, he stared at the sappy and utterly ridiculous drama on the television, wondering not for the first time how in the world Doctor Cox had been one of those select people to enjoy such drivel. To borrow his mentor's talent for elongating words, he would never, _hee-ever _call it drivel out loud, though. One way or the other Perry would find out and beat him senseless for dissing one of the few things that took him away from the hospital he called hell. It just struck him as odd, no, _entirely bizarre,_ that someone like Doctor Cox would watch something like soap operas. At first he'd given off the impression that the only thing he would ever watch would be sports, but then one of the first few times JD had run into the older doctor in the lounge, he had learned otherwise.

He'd just wished someone had _warned _him of that little tidbit about Doctor Cox, though. He'd taken one look at the TV screen without really looking at who was watching it, and the brunette had _snickered. _Bad, bad bad bad move. Bad, that's a bad Newbie! As Perry would say... Upon hearing the brief laughter, Perry had turned on him like a bull to a matador, and the end results hadn't been pleasant at all.

"Oh for Pete sake!" he heard Doctor Cox growl, causing him to come back out of his thoughts. His mentor was making rude gestures at the TV screen as it advertised a 'male enhancement' drug. Completely natural! it boasted.

"If you have to take a pill for it, it's not natural," JD murmured with humor, reminding the older doctor that he was in the room.

Doctor Cox turned to him with a raised eyebrow. "That's the most intelligent thing I've heard outta your mouth all day there, Susan."

JD beamed at the sort-of compliment, showing off his pearly whites. Time to move in for the kill. "So, would you?"

"Would I _what?_" Perry asked impatiently.

"Miss me if I died from a black mamba bite?" the brunette clarified.

"Dear _gawd _Newbie, what the hell is wrong with your little pea brain today that the record seems to be stuck on this particular track? So help me if I could wish for anything in the world, but only _one _thing, d'ya know what it would be?" he asked, not waiting for an answer as he plowed right on ahead. "Not for all the money in the world so I wouldn't have to work in this Satan's pit stop, not an exterminator armed with acid and spears made of obsidian to take care of the wife problem in my apartment, and no, not even a _restraining order _for Harvey-I-have-every-illness-known-to-man-_Corman_. My one wish would be quite aptly spent on a remote control for _you¸_ Denise! So I could pause, stop, rewind, and yes, even make you competent when I need it! Then I could press the button for your TV guide and pick the halfway-decent-doctor program for you _hee-every _day!" Perry finished, not realizing his soap had come back on.

JD stared at the older man for a long moment before breaking out in a charming, innocent smile that he knew bugged the hell out of Doctor Cox. "That's nice," he said finally, feeling in the mood to raise Perry's hackles today. Sometimes it was just to fun to torment the older doctor, even though he would never admit it to Perry in the interest of keeping all his limbs intact.

Doctor Cox just groaned in what sounded like physical pain. "Dear _god _Newbie..."

"So would you miss me?" the brunette pestered, ready to bolt in case Perry turned on his wild-Newbie-eating-predator mode and decided to rip the flesh from his face.

The curly-haired doctor planted his forehead onto the back of the couch in defeat, groaning out a tired and sarcastic _'__**yes!**__' _JD blinked in surprise at the muffled answer. "Really? You would?"

Perry's head picked itself up again, fixing the brunette with a look that promised pain. "_Yes _Newbie, because god help me if you were to drop dead from the bite of a snake that is not native to Sacramento. If that were to happen I would have to look for another little girl to follow me everywhere and pester me with her screw-ups and personal problems. _What _would I do without you in my life, shadowing my every step and making me want to jump off the nearest cliff? Gosh, I don't think I would be able to get any work done without that whiny prepubescent voice crying at me every ten seconds of the day! Now Gloria, so help me, shut your mouth and let me watch my show or I _will_ find a black mamba and bring it all the way here, and _then _we'll see if I miss you or not!" Doctor Cox growled in finality, turning away from JD to watch his show, calling over his shoulder as an afterthought. "And for the record, get your ass outta here if you don't want to be walking funny for the next week!"

Knowing when enough was enough, JD shot out of his chair with a squeak and fled the room, grinning all the way.

- - - -

I like the way JD sometimes purposefully tries to annoy Doctor Cox, as we sometimes see in the show. The part that shows this most to me is in My Philosophy when the guest actress Jill Tracey says "It's fun to annoy him," and JD comes back with "It's what I do," in a suave voice. You wouldn't think he has it in him to purposefully provoke Perry, but he's a cheeky thing when he needs to be. xD

And here's to David Carradine, wherever he is now. *salutes*


	2. Epilogue That Never Was

My Flirt With Danger

-Epilogue That Never Was-

- - - -

JD smiled happily to himself as he pulled a small bag of trail mix out of his pocket. He'd been waiting for this baby all day, and now it was time for a delicious snack! It was most amazing trail mix he'd ever seen, containing peanuts, almonds, cashews, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, raisins, and even chocolate chips! It was going to be like eating heaven, between the crunchy, chewy, gooey, salty, sweet combination of textures and flavors! Yes!

It was just the icing to top off his good day. His patients were all doing well, he'd been oogled by some fine looking women, and Doctor Cox hadn't punished him for anything all day! He'd been a bit worried about the black mamba conversation coming back to bite him in the ass, no pun intended, but the skies were all clear for flying today and he couldn't be in a better mood!

"Hi DJ!" came a squeaky little voice behind him, and he grinned before he even turned around.

"Hey Jackie," he greeted the little blonde boy, ruffling his hair and earning a giggle. "Where's your daddy?"

"Pewwy owdewed a man check for Beffany!" he said with a toothy smile. JD was so enamored with the stunted child speech and mispronounced R's that he didn't realize what Jack had actually said until it was too late. The child curled up his tiny little fist, brought it back for maximum momentum, and swung as hard as he could just as JD's eyes widened in the face of the apocalypse.

_WHAM!_

JD's body first crumpled in on itself before going down hard with a screech of pain, landing in a fetal position with both hands guarding his damaged goods. Next to him, Jack squealed in delight and clapped his hands. He loved it when someone told him to do a man check! It was so much fun!

"Atta boy Jack-o!" Perry said enthusiastically, applauding his son's work as he came out from around a corner. He was grinning like a loon, and JD just barely managed to crane his face around to see him. Jack went running to his father, who picked him up and swung him around in the air before catching the giggling child. "Stupendous, really! I taught him that one, how cool is that?"

"Homygoddoctorcoxwhythenutshot?!" JD squealed, barely pausing in between each word.

Perry walked up to the prone doctor on the floor, grinning down at JD as the younger man tensed up in preparation for another attack on his family jewels. He pointed down at the brunette with an accusing finger. "That's for calling my shows drivel," he said in a low voice, frightening JD with the intensity of it and _holy hell how did he know?!_

"Are you a mind reader?!" the brunette squeaked in fear, eyes wide.

"No," Perry said casually, joining his son in grinning down at the incapacitated doctor jovially. "I just know how your peanut brain works. All the best," he said, his grin gaining a bit of an evil edge as he turned to walk away.

Jack waved at the brunette over his father's shoulder, having enjoyed the game. "Bye DJ!" he called happily just before they disappeared around the corner.

JD shuddered, still unable to move. "That whole family is evil..." he whispered painfully. Unclenching his eyes, he looked around for his forgotten trail mix, delighted to find it just a foot or two away. _I can reach it_, he thought desperately, stretching out shaky fingers to the package. Thankfully he hadn't opened them, otherwise they'd be all over the floor. At least he could still have his snack! Almost there! Just a few more inches and the mixed delight was his!

_Smash!_

JD's twitching fingers where still held in mid-air as he stared in horror at the heavy boot resting on his pack of trail mix. Everything was squished or broken into tiny little pieces within the plastic package, which had also burst from built up air inside and had shot bits of crumbs and smashed nuts skittering across the carpet. He slowly looked up, up a pair of gray jumpsuit pant legs, up to the smiling face of the janitor. "Why?!" he cried in despair, hand shaking spasmodically.

The janitor merely quirked his head. "Nut shots on sale today. Two for one special." And with that, he walked away, whistling carelessly.

JD stared at the ruined packaged of decimated nuts, slowly absorbing the janitor's words. Finally, he clenched his eyes shut and whined.

_End._

- - - -

Poor JD. Another victim of the man check! How does Doctor Cox know these things?! He has spider senses!


End file.
